It is the next day.

I think my head and heart are going to x_plode.
I have been working on my thesis, and at the same time, I am working through
my emotional strata on loss, it seems that I have always dealt with loss on some
level as my creative career starts to soar. Sometimes I think God/Goddess plays
tricks on me, to see if I can stand all the thorns and sticks and devils
which are presently walking around me.

They are invisible but nevertheless spiraling spinning me.

What are these spirals?

Well, a member of immediate family, his cancer is back.
My mom has health issues,too. She is in her late 70's and still is kickin'
my father around. Sorry dad, I would not help it. Santo would like to think he
is the king, but I am afraid it is my mother. GO Charlottle GO!

My parents have been together over 50 years,
and they have to jump through a
lot of hula hoops,
spinning ones.

So at an early age I learned what love
and devotion
where about,
to a fault.

My parents give me
a lot of good stuff,
but also some stuff
which I figured
I had grown
out of:
YAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My thesis is on love and
BOY
am I
set for a ride
this coming next year,
2004.

My immediate family member is really a great guy.

My mom says: "...It always happens to the good guys!"
She means an early death,
an early rise
sleeping paradiso

I have had a
hard time sleeping
thinking.
I have no control
over
the cancer progression

I have had a great number of losses in my life,
but
it always seemed
I could put one foot
in front another
without too much effort.
But as I get older,
it gets harder.

Love becomes harder,
the loss of love,
or a lover, of the beloved.

When you get up there,
not heaven but age wise
OK over 50, OK
the falling in love part,
if you lose it,
is like a death with knife eons
millions of them
when your
still awake
and breathing.

I know it all, too well.

too well.........................................
Today I have to go to a wake,
a friend of mine who I have know 30 years,
her mother died.

N and I met during the late 60's.

I had started a women's consciousness raising group,
a feminist thingy.

She had answered an ad in a local paper I had placed.
Our history together is long & deep.

I miss those times, but now it is this time...

another loss..........................

another day

I know it all too well..................

tiamo kopp: Josephine LiPuma